Little Knife Chan
by annyenil
Summary: Yamada Hanatarou is timid, nervous, clumsy and meek. But it was never what he wanted. While he seems at peace with himself on the outside, Hanatarou's heart yells for a different destiny.


Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

**Little-Knife-Chan**

By annyenil

Yamada Hanatarou was dashing about the Fourth Division Headquarters in desperate search for his zanpakutou. He had been practicing with Akeiro Hisagomaru, but somehow the scalpel was misplaced when the Eleventh Division flooded in like a vicious tide and Hanatarou was unfortunately caught in the middle of it. He had been trying to remain inconspicuous while crawling about below the beds of those contentious Eleventh Division hooligans as they lay groaning over how "The fukutaichou is very angry today because she says that the taichou has abandoned her."

Suddenly, a tap on his shoulder sent him into a jump. He bumped his head hard on one of the beds and crawled out in dismay, rubbing the large bruise that had begun to distend on his forehead. "Hai, how may I help you?" Hanatarou asked politely in his usual mild manner. "Yamada Seventh Seat, you have a visitor." "Who will it be, may I please know?" "Please follow me, Yamada-sama." Hanatarou sighed and scanned the room longingly for Hisagomaru again before requesting his subordinate to continue the search while he attended to his visitor. "I wonder who it would be. Maybe it's Kiyone-san, I have not seen her in quite awhile."

"Little-Knife-chan!" Something pink and puny pranced on him like a kitten hungry for attention. Hanatarou blinked and a drop of perspiration trickled down his neck. He cleared his throat, "Ku…Kusajishi fukutaichou!"

"Little-Knife-chan! Play with me! Ken-chan a-bun-doned me!" The little pink haired devil grinned and tugged at Hanatarou's sleeve with such persistence and vigour that if a response was not solicited, Yamada Seventh Seat might just loose the top right half of his uniform entirely. "But……Kusajishi fukutaichou, I am on duty……"

"No! Listen to me!" Kusajishi Yachiru hopped onto Hanatarou's back and requested a piggyback even though she knew that Hanatarou was not capable of carrying more than a medic pack on his bag. So she settled for dragging Hanatarou out to the Fourth Division courtyard and forcing him to sit upon the grass and listen to her "little problems". Hanatarou decided that for the safety of his currently intact body parts, it would be wiser to just sit and listen after having treated certain Madarame Third Seat and Ayasegawa Fifth Seat from the Eleventh Division for bleeding skull and eyebrow re-planting respectively.

"Little-Knife-chan, Ken-chan leaved me for Bya-Bya!" Yachiru had rare tears in her eyes. "Ken-chan doesn't want me anymore." "Bya-Bya?" a comical thought flashed through Hanatarou's mind, but he quickly suppressed any thought of an inappropriate relationship between the noble and somewhat snotty Sixth Division Taichou and Yachiru's formidable Taichou. "Play with me, Little-Knife-chan!" Hanatarou had long given up on trying to get anyone to remember his name, let along Yachiru, who had given him this nickname when she first spied on him training with Hisagomaru.

"Please, what would you like to play, Ku…Kusajishi fukutaichou?" Hanatarou awaited the sentence of his doom. He was extremely relieved when Yachiru chose a rather grown-up activity, "Tell me a story, Little-Knife-chan!" "What kind of story would you like to hear?" "Tell a story on yourself, Little-Knife-chan! I want to know about your hysterical!" Hanatarou translated for himself that Yachiru wanted to know about his background. "But Kusajishi fukutaichou, I don't have a very interesting…er…hysterical to speak about." "Little-Knife-chan, Yachiru wants to hear the story now."

It was an order, so Hanatarou obliged. "There really isn't anything interesting about me, really…I was born in Rukongai, District Fifteen and I had a little sister. I'm very sorry it isn't very interesting. When I was about twenty years-old……" The story droned on and on and when Hanatarou finally gave up on recounting his life-story, Yachiru had long fallen asleep, her little body heaving up and down gently next to him. Hanatarou glanced at the sky, his eyes a little forlorn, "My story is so dry, I made Kusajishi fukutaichou fall asleep……I must apologise immediately when she wakes up……"

"I wish I were more like Zaraki Taichou, no, that would be asking for too much. But it would be nice, just once, to be able to do something really amazing. Zaraki Taichou is the bravest man I have ever known. And me, I am so timid, Kiyone-san always calls me a mouse.

I wish I were more like Rukia-san. She was so brave, even in face of death. And she had been so kind to tell me of so many things in the real world. I wish I could be brave and confident like her, then maybe I would have made a difference.

I wish I were more like Soifon Taichou. I am always so clumsy. Poor Hisagomaru, I wonder where he is now. Just this morning, I have at least tripped over things seventeen times. I only I were more swift and steady, I would have been able to help save Rukia-san instead of just bringing trouble to Kurosaki-san and Abarai fukutaichou.

I wish I were more like Ukitake Taichou. He is always so understanding and stately. If I were like him, I would've been able to help more people. Then maybe Kusajishi fukutaichou wouldn't have fallen asleep if I had known the right things to say and the right way to say them.

I wish I were more like Unohana Taichou. She is always so calm, and she always knows what to do. Even when I destroyed the entire stock of Recessive Abilities Combat Healing Cream last month, she didn't blame me. I wish I hadn't panicked and broken everything, and troubled her to clean up after me.

I wish I wasn't Yamada Hanatarou. I am a nobody. I wonder if Rukia-san remembers my name……"

"Little-Knife-chan. Why are you talking to yourself?" Yachiru sat up agilely, with no impression of having just fallen asleep under a Cherry tree at midday. "What!? Nothing……" Hanatarou jumped really hard and nearly knocked against a tree bunch. He disparaged himself for being such a nerved-up klutz. "Little-Knife-chan. I am bored."

Hanatarou glanced at Yachiru with sincere apology. And he gasped. "Oh NO! Kusajishi fukutaichou, the grass cut your finger! SOMEBODY HELP! I am so very extremely terribly sorry, please accept my most sincere apology, Kusajishi fukutaichou. I am so sorry." Hanatarou took a long deep bow.

Yachiru swung her legs forward and backwards, grinning and holding out her bleeding finger, "Little-Knife-chan, doesn't your little knife cut the cuts away?" "But…but I have lost my little, I mean, Hisagomaru!"

"Sixty-Nine-chan-maru? What is that?"

"It's the name of my Little Knife."

"Isn't your Little Knife there?" Yachiru pointed out as-a-matter-of-factly, like as though the little knife had been there for quite awhile. Hanatarou picked up his much missed Hisagomaru and stroked it gently, wondering why he hadn't noticed it there. Once again, he had failed to do something right. "Well, I could at least make amends." He tapped Yachiru's finger with the little scalpel, and Yachiru's finger was instantly good as before.

"Ken-chan says I must be polite and say thank you. Sayonara, Little-Knife-chan!" Hanatarou watched as the whirlwind of pink swooshed past him. He felt so very weak. He began to wonder why he was even a seated officer. He didn't deserve this. He grasped his little knife and pondered about how he was obsolete. He must make himself useful, and yet, nothing had worked. He was as clumsy, useless and timid as ever.

If only he could be someone else……

If only he didn't have to be Yamada Hanatarou……

He would give anything just to be someone stronger, braver and useful to the Soul Society.

_It's so hard being Yamada Hanatarou……_


End file.
